Caregiver: Am I the Only One Who Feels This Way?
A caregiver plays a major role in the life of a person who has experienced a traumatic accident or injury. The individual who is injured needs someone to assist him or her with daily living, either full time or part time. A caregiver is often a spouse, family member or friend. A family member or friend has to put her or his life on hold to take on this role. A spouse has to take over caring for the family. This increase in responsibility can be very stressful and challenging. It is very common to ask, “Am I the only one who feels this way?”
A caregiver must be willing to commit to the long journey of recovery. While physical injuries heal relatively quickly, cognitive, emotional and behavioral problems may continue for years after the injury[1]. It is very common to have an array of feelings when taking on such a large responsibility in caring for someone who has had a traumatic accident. There are major decisions that must be made regarding medical care in addition to his or her personal affairs. Following are some of the most common feelings caregivers have as his or her life changes[2].
Worry. A caregiver wants the best for her or his loved one and often worries a lot. He or she may worry about the feelings of the loved one, feelings of other family members and the issue of will s/he get better?
Guilt. It is easy to be critical of yourself especially when you are caring for someone else. A caregiver tends to wonder if he or she has done enough or is he or she making the right decisions. A caregiver might feel guilt for her or his past relationship with this loved one. “Could I have done something to prevent the accident?” “I should have visited more often.” These feelings of guilt will appear especially if the accident was the result of an “at-risk” behavior such as alcohol consumption.
Resentment. Feelings of resentment might “build up” in a caregiver if he or she is “thrown in” as a caregiver and it is out of his or her control. He or she often feels as if other family members do not do enough to help. A caregiver who feels resentment may take it out on her or his loved one in a display of anger. These feelings can also lead to depression.
Anger. The life of a caregiver is very stressful and full of many types of emotions and often anger is how these emotions are expressed. Anger can be expressed when nothing seems to be going right, from missed appointments to unwelcomed criticism from others. Often caregivers can feel angry because of lack of sleep, frustration over lack of control or harbored disappointment.
Defensiveness. Stress can lead to defensiveness. It is very difficult to be open to another way of doing things when your “plate is full.” It is common to want to defend how you are handling the caretaking of your loved one, especially if you are feeling stressed, insecure or unsure.
Loneliness and isolation. Full-time care for an individual who has had a traumatic accident takes an intense amount of time. This will cause a caregiver to limit his or her outside activities. Over time, the caregiver will likely lose contact with his or her friends or end up pushing them away. It is also common for a caregiver to feel lonely due to the loss of companionship from his or her injured spouse.
Lastly but the most important feeling that caregivers experience is hope. Hope is a powerful emotion that can reinvigorate even the most burned-out caregiver. Trust and belief in the rehabilitation process can be comforting. Being able to see progress, no matter how small, can fuel the strength to continue.
NeuLife, in Mount Dora, Florida, is a fully accessible residential post-acute program providing superior care and specialized rehabilitation to individuals diagnosed with traumatic brain injury (TBI), spinal cord injury (SCI), traumatic amputations and other catastrophic injuries. NeuLife has excellent neurobehavioral and related services to help an individual cope with the feelings associated with living through a traumatic accident.
2725 Robie Avenue
Mount Dora, Florida 32757
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